The Partridge Family Temple was an egg that fell from Heaven, in 1970. It hatched the summer of 1988. The Partridge Temple has gone through many set changes. The actors involved have all played different parts in the Partridge Family Temple sitcom of God. Sometimes the character is perfect. Other times there need to be re-writes.
The Partridge Family is the ground you build your Temple upon. Once you get the family down, you can add on whatever thing that Turns you On. You really have to do your own God-thing.
For me, The Partridge Family is a family I live with twenty-four hours a day. But also in that house is JonBenet Ramsey, Tracy’s best friend. The Goatfish Man lives out in the garage. Anne Frank crashes in their attic. Helen Keller helps Shirley with the housekeeping.
And after a concert, everyone goes to McDonald’s. Shirley always goes to the basement with Ray Kroc. Weird lights glow from the basement. People say the French fries are the best on those nights. Bobby Sherman stops by and has long conversations deep into the night with Danny about Time.
The blonde Christopher pulls out his Parker Brothers Ouija Board and contacts the brown-haired Christopher, who explains you have to wear your boots made of lead before you have a golden head. And if your mother doesn’t buy you a pair of lead boots at Target, for back to school, you’ll have to rake leaves or borrow money from Danny.
Reuben Kincaid climbs up Mount Shasta. He takes his clothes off and paints his body red. He then drinks an entire six-pack of 7-Up. When the un-carbonation kicks in, the storm clouds that have been building shoot lightning bolts that he eats with his mouth. Thus, setting up tour dates for the Partridge Family.
Mr. Whipple wishes the world was One roll of toilet paper and he was squeezing it. God wakes up and says, “Time to make the Dunkin’ Donut Man”, who says, “Time to make the donuts.”
Adam Sleek wakes up and finds that he’s become a wild boar. He roams the forests of Hawaii. Tony Soprano realizes while on peyote in the desert that the Mother is the Bus Driver. Then he realizes no, the Mother is the Bus. And the Bus brings us into this world and drops us off at school. We’re forever trying to get on that Bus. But that’s not the right Bus. Tony Soprano was close to getting it. The right bus is the Great Mother, Shirley Partridge.
The Partridge Family Temple is a gateway cult to get you hooked on harder Gods. The ones that sing, “The Best Part of Waking Up, Is the New Forever In Your Cup”.
Would you like to wake up with a freshly percolated cup of coffee served by Laurie Partridge?
I know I would. “Two sugar cubes, please.”
